Day 404: A Nice Ride on Blithedale Ridge

I’m finally catching up on my writing. It’s been a long week for me in terms of work, and also other things. All in all it’s been a mixed bag of being a supporting friend to a couple of people, and then being very conscious towards new work opportunities. Balance has been key to my thinking for a while now. Regaining my balance is what I’ve now pointed myself towards wholeheartedly as I leave the past behind, and as I begin to rebuild my life without the drama from the past.

There are some new horizons on the work front for me right now, and they feel right. I don’t know why exactly, but they feel right, so I’m pursuing them. Actually I do know why they feel right, it’s the people that are involved, and the project. OK, that was easy to figure out.

I was invited to go for a ride with a friend and his buddies tonight. It was good to meet some new people. We lost each other somewhere on the way up Blithedale Ridge. I think that they went left, when I went right. This happens every now and again.

So I continued onwards on the trails that I’d thought we were taking. I ended up riding solo by the time that I'd reached the top of Blithedale Ridge. That being the case, I ended up with some impressive views to enjoy, and then a wonderful descent that I’ve always liked. I was also treated to the short but stellar singletrack by the golf course. It was fun. The weather was perfect on eastern side of Mill Valley, and even though I had ended up riding solo, I had a great time.

Day 403: Riding Rigid Bikes is Fun

I finally had a day to myself during which there was nothing too heavy to think about. Of course there were some issues which are simply a part of life, but at least I wasn’t being steamrolled by one huge thing or another. So I was able to breathe a bit and that felt good. There are bigger things that I face as I move forward, but that will be fine for me to confront one task at a time.

Since I’ve been feeling a bit agitated lately, and in need of beating back some pretty strong frustrations, I rode on my rigid steel 29er. It’s actually pretty smooth as steel hardtails go, but it’s not like riding on a full suspension rig.

Today I was sent a message by the high school state champion in mountain biking asking me if I was around to take a ride tonight. This is my favorite young bro that has really kicked some butt during the last year of racing his mountain bike. That and the fact that I haven’t seen him in weeks made me want to get out for a ride. Oh, and what better way to punish myself than to ride with a fast young man?

We made some tenuous plans, at best, to meet. I thought that he must have been ahead of me on the trail that we’d agreed to use, so I was pegged as I thought that I was "catching up." I just kept pushing harder and harder. I past the Tuesday night riding group with only enough time to pause, and then to briefly say hello. They looked at me funny as I past them on a ten year old rigid bike. I chuckled to myself later. They’d all be able to ride down the hill faster than I ever could on the rigid. Don't tell them that.

After reaching the West Point Inn and not finding “El” waiting there for me, I figured that I had just been too slow to catch up. I was a bit bummed out since I had ridden a fast time up to the inn; under 49 minutes from my house. So instead of being too concerned, I greeted more of the Tuesday riders groups as they reached the Inn's picnic benches. I also prepared myself for the idea that I’d ride back down with them on my ridgy. Ouch! That's a torcherous thought.

Then I heard some huffing and puffing, and the sound of tires moving really fast up the hill. It was “El!” I can’t remember what he said had happened, but he was delayed and trying to catch up. I guess that I'd had the pedal down for the whole ride up, so we were in similar out-of-breath conditions. That said, he is thirty years younger than I, so I wasn't too concerned about his state; hopefully tired. ;-)

We chatted briefly, and then we set off for the top of Mount Tamalpais. I made him try my old bike, while I rode his. Just by the height of his saddle I could tell that he’d grown over the summer. I remember growing that fast during the summers. Phew, I’m glad that’s over now.

We had a great ride together and one during which I tried to push him every now and again. My efforts were of course caught pretty quickly, BUT I do still have a few tricks up my sleeve for next time.

It's been seven years since I rode in the DLM. I think that this coming year will be my year. I'll need to make a note to myself about that. I'll be doing the Marin Century on the 7th, and "El" may join me. Any other takers out there? It's always nice to start with a good group of riders.

That’s all for now. Hopefully this was a lighter posting for what’s been a lighter day for me.

Day 402: Saying Goodbye to the Girls

OK, I’m a guy, I ride “macho” mountain bikes, and I’ve overcome some amazingly difficult things in my life, but today I was reduced to tears. I don’t know why a strong person like myself, can be reduced to tears over goodbyes, but I am. It has something to do with the loss of my brother, and the fact that I don’t have much family left.

Today I drove to Greenbrae, CA in order to give my ex-wife the items that she'd requested in our Marital Settlement Agreement, as well as other things that she’d left behind at our former home. It was for me a final farewell to a person that I gave so much to. Even worse for me emotionally was the one last romp that I would have with my girl Fifi. She was very clearly “N’s” dog per the adoption, but she became my girl. I loved her, and played with her. I trained her as best one can when working with an obstinate breed such as an English Bulldog mix. Those English breeds are tough ones to steer.

I knew that today was most likely the last day that I’ll ever see either of them again. There is no more business left between us. No papers to sign and no further exchanges required. She’s in a new relationship, and moving on to another job in a distant city. So today was a solemn goodbye to the person that I had dedicated my life to during our marriage, and the person that I supported in every way for over a dozen years. And then there was seeing my girl one last time.

OK, I’m done with heavy postings for the foreseeable future. I’m worn out. I’m simply going to go ride my bike instead, and as soon as possible. Life should be as simple as riding a bike.

Oh, by the way, I did ride today. I did so only so that I could run errands. I’d normally have my Garmin unit with me, but today was simply too chaotic to even remember to bring it, use it, etc. So no Garmin info today, but it would have only added up to be a few of miles of riding in the end.

The pack that once was a pack.

Day 401: Life's Little Surprises

My original posting for today made a friend of mine uncomfortable, so I've removed it. I don't really have time to go back to rewrite a posting, or to even to edit the one that I wrote, so I'm just going to move on. Twenty one of you read it before I took it down...

Sorry for the interuption in the flow.

Day 400: No Century and no Road Ride

I made the decision to kill off the idea of doing a century road ride for my 400th ride today. I'd been getting lots of cancellations from my riding buddies, so even though the weather was nice, I just wasn't willing to do another one solo; at least not at this moment. The Marin Century is right around the corner, so I’ll simply wait to do that ride instead. It’s a fun ride, and there will be lots of people that I'll know. It’s fully supported, so fixing flats, changing wheels, and having lots of water and food is more appealing. That’s much better than doing one hundred miles, over the course of six hours, while riding totally solo. I'm basically done with doing those types of rides.
 

Instead today I decided to clean my house a bit more. I must have been inspired by the Domestiques in the Tour de France. Today's theme was out with the old and in with the new. I made a lot of progress, and that made me feel great. I spent a lot more time on organization than I would have liked, but I’m glad that I got as much done as I did. As I mentioned in a previous posting, it’s been like pulling my own teeth to get some of these chores done, and I don't understand why. That said, I think that today marked a passing of a hurdle for me, and I’m happy about that. I know, it sounds pretty stupid, but for whatever reason I’ve been stuck in a rut when it’s come to reorganizing my house after my separation and divorce.

After completing all of my domestic work, I met a friend briefly before riding into the Marin Headlands where the fog was storming in, and the associated winds were strong enough to knock you over. I managed to stay upright in the crosswinds, but wow were they ever strong. They were also pretty darn cold. I still had fun, and the route that I took was nastier than most, so albeit a minor amount of elevation gain, the grade was substantial and the winds factored in from time to time. I'm glad that I rode that route. It's been about a year since the last time that I did the same one.

So not much else to report today; well there is, but I haven’t sorted through my latest thoughts enough to write about them yet. Maybe tomorrow will be the day. I’ve learned to take more time to think before I write. ;-)

By the way, did I mention that I'm quite proud of myself to have ridden for 400 consecutive days? I'm not very good at patting myself on my back, but today I will. The BlogginGoggin, as some of my dubious friends call me, has hit another milestone.

Day 399: Regaining my Strength

I felt really strong on the bike today. My mind is clearing from some of the last month’s various hurdles, so I think that I’m getting over the hump and back to being myself. It’s been a long road to recovery for me, and I’ve been way too hard on myself about how fast it should happen, instead of just letting it happen on its own timeline. That’s just me. I’ve never been a slacker. When I decided to start Riding to Recovery, and I chose to do 365 consecutive rides, I don’t think that it surprised anyone that really knows me. That said, and the fact that I’ve now completed 399 consecutive rides, surprises the hell out of me. ;-) What am I thinking?!?

Well, on today's 399th ride, I felt strong mentally and physically, and I could have ridden for hours and hours and I would have been just fine doing that. Things sure have changed for me as I've concluded an old,  unfortunate, and unnecessary relationship, and I now move forward towards what I hope will include many happy horizons. If nothing else, right now I have my health, my friends, and of course the Tuggers. That’s really pretty good given all of the givens.

I’m reflecting right now on the past couple of months, and I’m thinking about how much that’s transpired. I helped a friend as she succumbed to cancer I finished my 365 calendars days of riding by crashing my knee into one of my pedals and ending up in an ER. I met with my in-laws in what was a wonderful and yet bittersweet meeting. I ended a twelve year old business relationship that actually meant something to me. And then of course, I walked my niece down the aisle as she entered into what I hope for her is a wonderful marriage. Wow!

I’ve also been sorting through fourteen years of stuff that my ex-wife and I gathered. I'm looking for things that she left behind so that I can return them to her. It's a part of our Marital Separation Agrement, and those of you that know me understand why I'm being meticulous as opposed to cavalier as I go through this process. And yes, I’ve been left to sort through, and clean up in the aftermath of my marriage, but that’s  typical. My ex-wife would say that she left here cleanly, but that's simply not true. Everything from shoes, to her own family's gifts were left behind. Do you think that she was running somewhere? I do.

So anyway, for me it’s been an interesting couple of months, and I’m now looking squarely-forward at moving into the next period of my life, and I can see that it can be very bright and satisfying. ;-)

I spent the remainder of the day hanging out with a friend. We took the ferry over to San Francisco, which unto itself was a fun experience. I’ve not been on any of the new ferries, and this one was fast! When the Captain fired up the engines I could feel the horsepower underneath my feet. It was fun to hang off of the back of the ship while watching Marin quickly disappearing in the mist that was generated by the engines.

After walking around several of the old piers on the Embarcadero, and a brief tour of the renovated Ferry Building, we stopped for burgers and garlic fries at the now old Gorden Birsch. I say "old" because it was the new and hip place to go back when I started working in San Francisco back in the mid 1990’s. It’s funny how that goes. I’ve been told that I sound like an old man talking about walking ten miles to school in a blizzard, so I should move on in more ways than one. ;-)

It was a fun day, and another reminder to me of what lies ahead, and that there are brighter ways to live one’s life. I was severly sucked into a slow death by living with an active alcoholic. It’s a very insidious disease, wherein you can’t even see the changes to your life as they’re happening right in front of you. It’s quite frightening, and I’m not one that has his eyes closed. In fact, today my friend complimented me on my blog's photography, and specifically stated that I take the time to see things. I've always had my eyes open, and interested in what’s right in front of me, well, except for the years that I was worried about and taking care of the alcoholic that I had married. Yes, that sounds harsh, but it's true, and I only wish that it weren't. :-(

As much as I look forward to the rest of my life, I find that it remains painful to think about all of the lost years during which I tried to make a left shoe fit on my right foot. I'm smarter than that...

Finally, how about that bike that's pictured above? What a cunundrum on two wheels. Look closely bicycle fans, it's a real peach of a cobbled together bike. Each crank is even different. It must have been built from a really diverse parts bin. ;-)

Day 398: Executing a Game Plan

I’ve had a personal game plan for a while now, but I’ve not really executed it as I’d normally do. I referenced this issue in yesterday’s posting. I guess that since then I’ve given myself a quick and swift kick in the shorts. No, I didn’t get everything done today as I’d normally do when facing these things, but I did make more progress towards completing the job.

I guess that all of this is a part of the healing process. It’s all been counter-intuitive to me and no fun at all really. I gather that I’ll have a better understanding the deeper that I get into my own healing. Until then I’m just going to roll with it and hope that I get to where I want to go.

I took another mellow ride up to the West Point Inn tonight. I’m still testing myself out before starting to do longer rides again. I’ve been paying attention to how much I hydrate, and the food that I’m eating. At least I’m refocusing to a much more sustainable degree. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for way too long, so focusing on being truly healthy is my next goal.

I’m still banking on the idea that through what has been a horrific decade for me, that I’ll become a stronger and better human being. It’s hard to imagine that there can be any good to come from what I’ve been through, but those in the know tell me that there is brighter place for me, and that it’s just on the horizon. I hope that’s true.