Day 239: Keeping it Real

Today was an odd day for me, and one that I knew would be odd from the start. In preparation for it, I did my daily ride during the early morning hours so that I’d have a solid “meeting” under my belt before heading into the unknown. Today I met with “N,” and it’s the first time that I’ve seen her, or spoken to her in eight months. I find it amazing that two people, who were so entwined for over a decade, can just go their separate ways as we've done. I’m not going to go into any details here, but it was a very surreal meeting for me, but hopefully it was worthwhile for both of us to understand where we are in our lives today.

I got up early this morning and did a bunch of overdue work on my SuperHeavy. It needed some headset work, brake work, and the list goes on, but I did get most of it done, although unfortunately it was slightly too late for me to join the Saturday Morning Ride. So I missed out on riding with my friends, and instead I headed out as soon as I could, and yet again alone. Being solitary for most of my winter rides has been difficult to say the least.

At a minimum I wanted reach the summit of Mount Tamalpais before turning back towards home today. I needed to cram in my ride this morning so that I could get back to the Depot in Mill Valley for my 1:00 pm meeting with "N." I did an out and back to the East Peak parking lot of Mount Tamalpais, and once there I rode around briefly in order to take in the views, and also the new construction projects. It was a beautiful spring-like day, and that made me really happy.

On my way back down, via the same way that I’d ascended, I paused at a prime viewing location in order to check out the enormous swells in the Pacific Ocean. I'd heard about the tragedies at the Maverick’s surf competition this morning, and now I was able to see very clearly, and from miles away, the huge size of the waves that have caused all of the wreckage. Wow(!), comes to mind for me. These waves were over forty feet high, and ended up sending many to the hospital.

Day 238: Unexpectedly Riding in the Rain

When I left the house today it wasn’t raining, and the forecast was for no more rain. Yeah right! I felt the first rain drops by the time that I had reached Blithedale Canyon. I was completely unprepared for rain. I didn't have a waterproof shell, etc., but I also wasn’t willing to head back home to get what I needed so I pushed on into the rains.

I was completely soaked about ten minutes later, and the temperature was dropping really fast on the mountain. I’ve experienced rapid temperature drops up there that seem to happen within a matter of minutes. I think that today’s drop must have been 10-15 degrees. It was cold enough that I would have enjoyed one or two more layers of clothing, as well as my winter gloves. Oh well, so I braced myself for what was going to be a very cold descent home.

By the time that I reached the West Point Inn I was really cold, and I’d been pedaling up the hill at 9 mph (I should have been hotter than a Jalapeno Pepper), so I knew that I’d be really cold once that I steered my bike back down the hill. I rode over to Pantoll Station where I was greeted by even wetter conditions. At this point my feet were sloshing around in my shoes, and as I squeezed my handlebars water would seep from my gloves. Yeah, I was wet through and through.

I rode down the highway and back over to Gravity Car Trail where I began to feel the shivers coming on, and my fingers started to go numb. I pushed on even harder in order to get my body temperature back up, but by the time that I hit Railroad Grade I’d regained very little body heat, and I was about to turn back downhill.

I rode downhill really fast. There was no one as crazy as me out on the trails. I reached the bottom of Railroad Grade and I literally couldn't get my thumb to move. I couldn't actuate the shifters! I got off my bike and shook my hands until I was able to get my digits working again. Wow, this sure is fun!

It was another day of riding in solitude. These are the very hard days for me. Wet, cold, and alone on the mountain. It’s still better for me to maintain my commitment to R2R, rather than giving in to the winter conditions. I’m remaining true to myself for the first time in years, and even on these difficult winter rides, I never waiver because I know that it’s the right thing to do for myself.

I’m bummed out that I forgot to turn on my GPS unit at the start of my ride, so I’ve lost 5-6 miles, time, calories, etc. That’s flying solo for you.

Tomorrow should prove to be an interesting day…

Day 237: Lunchtime riding is Good for the Soul

I eliminated another huge obstacle in my life today. It has been weighing on me for years.. It felt great to check another item off of my long to-do list. Yippee!

I was also able to do something that I’ve been really looking forward to, and that is to get my young friend “El” a new bike. I’ve been working on it off and on, and as I could, during the past couple of weeks, but today I was able to spend a couple of hours calling all of the right people in order to make the arrangements. He’s building his own bike from scratch which must be really fun for him to think about. I used to dream about building things when I was growing up. He’s going to build a 29er, which is a movement that I didn’t pioneer per se, but it is something that embraced over a decade ago. I was an early adopter, and now you see these bikes everywhere.

So “El’s” bike and parts will begin arriving as early as Wednesday of next week. Christmas in February? I like that idea.

I did a lunchtime ride with one of my friends from WTB. I’ve been trying to be a “good” influence on my WTB family by getting them motivated to ride at lunch. It’s hard for them since they’re busy with the new season, and then there’s the idea of getting muddy, wet, and sweaty, and then returning to your desk for the remainder of the day. What’s that smell anyway?

“B” and I broke away for a while today and were able to do a quick spin. We tend to ride the fire roads since we can time the rides accurately and be back to work at a relatively precise time. Today we rode up Railroad Grade and then over to the Pipeline Trail before descending on the “Mulch Trail,” formerly known as the Pixie Trail. It was a quick one, but I can use the rest these days. Tomorrow I’m going long on my road bike since the weather will be good. Good ridin’ with you “B.”

Day 236: Feeling Like a Freshman While Being Inspired

I had a great time on my ride today. I rode with my friend “S,” and some of his regular riding buddies. They all participate in a casually organized, and nameless from what I understand, cycling club that’s predominantly comprised of retirees. Yes, retirees! I was the youngest (freshman, rookie, etc.) in the group by what I’d guess is about 20 years. “S” and I are separated by 25 years in age. That said, and from what I could tell today, this group of cyclists is growing young!

I was clearly the young (45 years old) whipper snapper on the ride, and the eldest in the group is 88 years old. Wow! It’s so inspirational to me, as well as, it's incredibly encouraging to think that I too may be able to ride all of the way into my 80’s. I’m convinced that cycling is not only healing, but that it slows down the aging process. I think that this is due to the impact that cycling has on one’s cardiovascular system. Increased circulation in your body is one of the best things for you. Lower blood pressure, cholesterol, and less body fat, are all things that come from cycling, and then there are all of the mental benefits.

I left the house a bit late today. I was trying to make it to Farifax for our prearranged departure time of 10:00 am. I got caught up in some work related issues that always seem to be of ASAP in their nature. I called ahead in order to try to give “S” some notice about my situation, but I couldn’t reach him. He had already left for our rendevouz. So I headed out quickly, and I was on a mission to get to the meeting place as fast as I could. I don’t like the idea of making my buddy wait for me. I simply hate being late. My dad instilled that in me..

I was pushing 20 mph on the flats as I rode over towards Fairfax. I was reclaiming some time, but as I reached San Anselmo, CA the bells tolled at 10:00 am, and I was still one town away from "S." I pressed on, and figured that I’d be no more than ten minutes late if I was to keep up my current pace. Alas, about a quarter mile outside of San Anselmo, I was greeted by “S” riding directly towards me. He had received word about my delay, and was coming to get me, before I got to him. Yahoo!

After some quick salutations, he informed me that we were going to catch up with this group of riding buddies, so off we went at speed. I've been really interested in riding with his crew of riding friends, and today looked to be the day that would finally happen. 

I’ve never ridden with “S” when he’s been riding solo. The rides that I’ve done with him have included his wife “J,” and while they’ve been riding together on their tandem. So when “S” started sustaining 17-18 mph on his road bike I was thinking, “Wow, that’s impressive.” We literally blasted (road fast) over to Paradise Drive as we  tried to reel in his cycling group.

Just about halfway around the back side of Tiburon, we found the first part of his group. The first riders that we found were the elders, and they are deep into their 80’s in age.  In first looking at them on their bikes I can tell you, this clearly wasn’t their first bicycle ride. I can also tell you after looking at their pedal strokes  that these gents have turn the cranks for a long, long time during their lives.

After integrating with the pack, we caught up with the rest of the group just before entering Tiburon. They were soaking up some sun while waiting for us at the city’s border.

We rode into Tiburon where we all enjoyed a coffee, and in my case, an extraordinarily good oatmeal cookie. We talked and shared as we let the sun warm us up on what was a bright and stellar winter’s day.

“S” and I parted ways with the group. Everyone else had commitments to tend to, so we rode on to our final destination, Fort Baker, where we enjoyed their newly completed renovations that include a great café, restaurant, and high-end accommodations. It’s an amazing place, with amazing views of the Golden Gate Bridge, and beyond to San Francisco. We talked for much of the time that we were riding, and I shared my newfound need to reinvest in “the program.” It’s pretty simple, stay close, stay connected, and your life will stay steady, healthy, and wise. We talked about the very, very close relationship that the 12-steps have to the teachings of Buddhism, and it’s so true. Buddhism teaches you a great way (in my opinion) to conduct yourself through your life. It’s much less of a “religion,” to me anyway, and instead it's much more of a way of life. The teachings are simple and easily understandable, and they help me with my complicated life.

After another coffee, and a brief trip over to the “Yacht Club,” we remounted our steeds and headed north, and back towards our homes. I had a great time today riding with people that know more than me, and in more ways than one. Thanks for the ride “S.”

Day 235: Remaining Humble while in Recovery and Riding as Stress Relief

It is an understatement to say that the past two months have been difficult for me. Life is never generous in how it times the delivery of its blows. I’ve known that for over two decades now, but this time I've never felt so alone. It's completely untrue to say that I'm alone, because I'm not, but the feeling of loneliness has been there nonetheless. As I’ve learned over the past few years, it’s what you “feel” that truly matters.

So I did what I’ve done all of my life, and NOT what I’ve learned in the past year, in order to get through these difficult times. I can’t explain why I didn’t, or couldn’t, use my new toolset in order to get through these tough times. It wasn’t because of a lack of trying, but instead it was more about defaulting back to what I know. I should have trusted in the process that I’ve come to know in Al-anon. What can one do? “Progress, not perfection,” comes to mind for me.

I have family and friends that have been very concerned about me, and yet I’ve been very poor at communicating with them. That’s the old me. The old me would just deal with problem after problem, and get the job done. Like a broken record. In a way very admirable that I can suck it up and absorb so much, but it’s not smart. Period. A smart person relies on family, friends, and community, for support and assistance when they're having difficulties.

The funny thing for me is that I absolutely love being a “team player,” so why don’t I rely on my team, instead of thinking that I need to be some sort of super hero? I’m clearly no super hero, but I sure have acted the part for far too many years now. My main goal should be to simply become the person that I know that I can be. R2R has been keeping me as in line with that goal as possible, but not entirely, so I need to go back to the drawing board, and recommit to my effort to correct this imbalance. The good news is that I can at least recognize this now, whereas before I had no clue. Clueless in Mill Valley, has a nice ring to it!

The remedy is to keep doing my rides, and to get back to more regular Al-anon meetings. I need to remember that it’s OK to ask for help, and to offer it too, although that’s never been a problem for me. I need to remain close to my roots, meaning where I've been, and how I got there. Most importantly I need to remember the steps, and some more than others.

My buddy “B” was available to ride with me today when I finally got clear of all of my tasks, so we went out for a short, and yet fun lunch ride. We had great fun blowing off some steam today. He and I have been under tremendous stress lately, but for entirely different reasons. That makes for good conversation while one's heart rate is racing at over 160 bpm! We weren’t pushing it hard today by any means, but we were climbing up our favorite hill, and that takes a strong heart. Perhaps better put, it takes a lot of heart.

We rode back to town on the Tender Foot Trail that wiggles on down to the road on its loving single track. There are wet roots, rocks, trees, and it’s a long way down to the bottom if you fall! I’ve ridden this trail hundreds of times since I first rode it in 1990. That trail was a big deal to me back then, and now it’s more like hanging out with an old friend. Thanks for the ride today “B.”

Day 234: Pulling Teeth

Well, today was the day that Tugboat got his Carnassials tooth extracted. After several days of prepping him with antibiotics the swelling in his face had gone down a bit, so I had hoped that there was a slim chance that he’d not need the tooth pulled. No such luck, in fact he was under anesthesia for almost twice as long as they had expected while cleaning things up. So after an hour of surgery, they were able to get the tooth and its roots out. They even had to take out some of the surrounding bone.

The poor guy is sitting right here next to me. He’s whining as the Isoflurane anesthesia wears off. I’m sure that it’s going to be a long night tonight as the pain begins to set in. They say that dogs heal really quickly from oral surgeries. I hope that's the case. He’s on soft food for the next seven days, but beyond that he doesn’t even go in for a follow-up visit.

Tugboat is so incredibly important to me. I don’t have children, as most of you already know, so he’s my four-legged child. In fact all of my pets have been treated as family, and never as accoutrements. As I sit here tonight and write, I’m breathing easier knowing that he’s been given the care that he needed, and that he’s going to make a full recovery.

I waited to hear from Tugboat’s surgeon before I rode today. There was no way that I could have focused on riding while he was in the O.R. Once that the call came in, and I knew that he was conscious and doing fine, I then grabbed my gear and headed out for a quick lap of Paradise Drive.

I chose to ride on the road today for two reasons. One was to give my legs a nice day of recovery after many consecutive days of riding on the mountain, and the second is that I find riding on the road to be more meditative, and I needed that today. When riding on mountain bikes, and especially in technically difficult conditions, there’s a lot on which to focus, and not a lot of time to get into any sort meditative state. So I chose to ride my road bike today in order to feel that rhythm that I can usually find when spinning along. I look forward to doing the long rides that I was doing during the summer and fall of last year, but that will only be when the temperatures warm up. I miss my trips out to West Marin.

I keep mentioning that I can feel that spring is on the way, and I’m doing so because it reminds me that I’m nearing the end of doing the really tough rides, and I’m headed back towards doing the ones that I love. Adventurous, challenging, and fun rides with my friends.

Day 233: A Sunny Day of Riding with Friends from PBW

Normally on the second and fourth Sundays of every month I migrate by bicycle out to the Partners in Recovery meeting at Serenity Knolls, but this weekend I’m hanging close to home to be with Tugboat. He’s the most important thing to me, and he has an abscessed Carnassials tooth. He’s going in for surgery Monday morning and I worry about him in the interim as the swelling has worsened. Argh.

So I rearranged my plans, but in the end, even those plans changed after I had received a couple of Emails this morning. One was a cancellation, an the other was an invitation. It’s funny how that happens. The invitation came from a couple of friends from Pegasus Bicycle Works. They had decided to make a break for it this morning and drove over here from their East Bay homes. The problem for me was that by the time that I had read the Email invitation, they were already over here and riding on the mountain, so I had to somehow contact them, and then worse yet, catch up with them.

Contacting them turned out to be an easier task than I thought since “C” had his iPhone with him. We made some arrangements to meet at the intersection of Hoo Koo E Koo and Blithedale Ridge fire roads. That's a well known location for us locals, and it seemed pretty clear to “C” and “D,” but oops, they ended up going the wrong way! So we talked by cell phones again, and they tried to describe where they were on the mountain. After some trial and error, I finally dialed-in their location and headed down Coasters to where they were waiting for me on the last of the rolling hills. Finally, we were riding together!

I told them that if they’d do just a little more climbing, that I treat them to some really great hidden and legal single track. They were up for doing the extra 1,000 ft of climbing in order to enjoy some epic trails. Off we went.

We paid our dues while climbing the very steep fire roads while on our way over to the nicely hidden trail that I'd promised them. I seldom ever use the four high gears while in my middle chainring, and it’s an even rarer thing for me to get into my “granny” gear, but these fire roads are gnarly and I was having an off day in the saddle. Thank you granny! After the main climbs, we traversed across the ridge for about two miles before diving into the single track that I'd told them was outstanding.

I think that they were surprised by the sudden transition from being on fire roads all morning, to now being on a very narrow and swooping single track trail. The trail is such a hoot, and it messes with your mind since it's so darn narrow, and with big obstacles to tangled in, like trees! We made our way through the meandering trails that are tucked away in a hillside that's full of Oak, Bay Laurel, and of course Redwood trees.

We popped out very near to town. Once that we were back at their car, we talked briefly while we summarized the day’s fun. There were concerns about getting home on time, since both of my riends have families. I told them to blame the single guy for their tardiness. "Poor John, he needs company," or soething like that. ;-) I hope that their wives aren't reading this...

Days like today remind me that if I can make it through this winter’s many days of riding in solitude, rain, and the cold, that I’ll then be able to make it all the way to June 18th. Riding with friends, and having the sun soaking into my body, while being outside on an absolutely gorgeous day, brings life back to me. Thanks for the ride guys!

Distance: 15.86 miles
Calories burned: 2,266
Time: 1:50:49 hours
Elevation gain: 3,469 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/24187369