Day 204: The Day was Cold and Gray Just like Me

The past year has caused some major graying of my hair. I was going gray before, but I’ve probably doubled my silver during the last year. It’s funny that Tugboat has gone gray too. His belly is even graying. It’s been a long and stressful year for the two of us, but I guess that he and I should simply be happy to be alive. I look forward to putting the past into a storage box so that I can be free again.

On today’s ride I was thinking about how nice it was to have dinner with friends last night. It was so simple. During the final years of my marriage we seldom ever socialized. Our circle of friends had grown so incredibly small that I could count them on one hand. In retrospect, it was very sad to think that we had missed out on so many social gatherings, events, etc. I guess that I’m headed into a new chapter in my life, and one that’s filled with friends and family. I guess that its John Goggin v2.0, to put it into modern terminology.

I didn’t feel like riding alone today, but on a cold and gray day it can be tough to find people that want to ride. I could have attempted to get up in time for the 7:30 am departure of the Saturday Morning Ride, but that would have been tough. So instead I opted to ride solo again today. I'm trying to make sure that I'm not alone too much, but sometimes things just don't work out. I guess that I was feeling lonely today. ;-)

As I approached the Blithedale Canyon gate that crosses Railroad Grade, I noticed my new (Not so new at this point) friend “S.” I used to bump into her regularly while riding her bike up the Grade, but lately I’ve only seen her running. Today I asked her why she isn’t riding her bike, and she quickly responded that it’s too hard to clean her bike during the winter. I didn’t give her the “what for” right then, but I will have words with her the next time that I see her. Mountain bikes are meant to get dirty. ;-) And in fact, I don’t think that I muddied my bike at all today, so “S,” get that bike out of the rack…

Tomorrow I’ll be riding back to Serenity Knolls so that I can attend their Partners in Recovery program. It’s been over a month since they had their last meeting, and frankly, I’m excited to be heading back out there. Such a long break from seeing my friends has made me realize that I still “need” to be there. I’m still very green in my recovery, and I feel like I need to stay in close contact with the Knolls. I know that probably sounds odd to many of you, but understand, for me the Knolls is where I restarted my life. I had obviously hoped that it was a restart to my marriage too, but that didn’t happen. Instead I restarted my life there although it's now a solo effort. So the couple of times a month that I head back to where it all started, are very important to me. I see my friends. I share my progress, and listen to the stories heart-wrenching stories of others. I now try to give back by helping people that are in just as bad of shape as I was a year ago, or even worse. I have a deep compassion and empathy for those that have suffered through living through their partner’s, or child’s, or even their grandchild’s alcoholism and addiction. It's excruciating to say the least, and if I can give back by providing a little bit of help through the knowledge that I've gained during the last year, then I'm ready and willing.

So tomorrow I’ll migrate back to where many things started and to where one thing ended. While I ride out there tomorrow morning I’ll think about what happened to my marriage, and how alcoholism played a role in its demise. On my way home I’ll think about my new life, and how rich it can be if I just take things one day at a time. It’s been hard during the past year to separate the past from the future, but I’m going to keep on trying to find my way one pedal stroke at a time, and one mile after another until I arrive.

As I was tidying up my desk today I found a note that I wrote to myself while I was talking to “N” by phone during her second month's stay at the rehab facility. It’s a reminder to me of so many things, not the least of which is how hard I tried to make our marriage work. It was also a reminder of precisely why I need to stay close to Al-anon and the Knolls. The photo tells the story. I was a nice little puppy dog that was retrieving what was requested. I've now seen so many others like me doing the same thing. For those of you that are in a relationship with an alcoholic, remember this, never do for the alcoholic what they can do for themselves. It's very, very important to understand that concept, for you, and for them.

Distance: 18.05 miles
Calories burned: 1,400
Time: 1:49:03 hours
Elevation gain: 2,363 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/22011750

Day 203: Single Speeding

It was a pretty grueling work day today. I had no idea that it would be so hectic and stressful. Life isn’t always kind in how it delivers its chaos, and today was an example of that. So I’m left feeling a bit behind on my correspondence, and here I am at midnight writing my daily posting.

Given that I was feeling a little bit tense after a morning of having one thing after another thrown my way, I decided to take out a little aggression on my OS Bike. It’s a single speed 29er that was designed by my friend “M.” I’ve mostly been using the bike to run around town, and I had really intended to use it on rainy days when the simplicity of a single speed is a huge benefit. Well today was just the right kind of day for me to ride the bike.

I’m a real newbie to single speeds. I’ve ridden them in the past, but never when I’ve been fit, and never with enough consistency to get a real feel for them. So today was a bit of a test to see how this one felt underneath me.

I rode over to Railroad Grade where I bumped into a couple of guys that were heading up the hill too. One of them was also on a single speed 29er. We talked for a while about 29ers, OX Brand Bikes, OS Bikes, etc., etc. It was nice to be hanging out with another SS rider. He was quite surprised to hear that I don't ride them often. He cited that I looked really comfortable on the bike. I forgot to mention that I've been riding for almost seven months straight. ;-) I'd probably look comfortable on a child's tricycle at this point!

As we rode and talked I noticed that the guy on the geared bike had fallen off the back. His friend looked at me and said a quick goodbye before heading back to his friend. Before long I was way ahead of them, and soon enough I couldn’t even hear their voices in the distance.

From Double Bow Knot I rode over to the Panoramic Highway and then onto some beautiful trails. It was great to be on a 29er again. It’s been a while so it took me a bit of time to remember how to ride one. They’re so much smoother than the 26ers that I’ve been riding regularly. I fell in love with 29ers in 2000, and saw my first one in 1999. It was being ridden at the time by Steve Potts. I later saw my friend “M” on his green 29er that's a really cool bike.

So today was all about making lemonade out of lemons. Now I’m tired and need some sleep, but before I go, a heartfelt thank you to “M & A, and C” too, for sharing the evening with me. You’re dear friends. I’ll make dinner next time!

Distance: 11.91 miles
Calories burned: 1,419
Time: 1:21:49 hours
Elevation gain: 2,169 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/21942917

Day 202: Touring Around San Francisco

The weather was pretty dreary today. It was hazy and cold in a wet kind of way, and the winds were also blowing from the north. I wasn’t very enthusiastic about doing another ride during these inhospitable conditions. At least it wasn’t raining today.

I thought that it would be fun to ride into San Francisco in order to visit a friend that has an artist’s studio in the Mission. Some people think that I’m nuts to ride my Colnago through the Mission district, but I don’t. I’d be very surprised if I were the victim of a “bike jacking.” I guess that it could happen, but I refuse to live in that sort of fear.

On my way to the Mission district today, I rode through the Castro. I was riding in cycling gear (tights), and on my sunflower covered Colnago, so I wasn’t too surprised when I received my first “wolf call” in decades. I didn’t look to see precisely who it was that was whistling at me, and given that I’m quite comfortable in my heterosexuality, I was flattered nonetheless. ;-) I did ride a bit faster after that… The gay culture in the city is fun, and I've been exposed to it since I was a teenager, so I have no issues with someone belting out a wolf call on my behalf.

I rode down 18th St. on my way to Bryant, and along the way I remembered that “N” had lived on Shotwell St. when she had first moved to San Francisco. I rode by the apartment that she had shown me years ago. She shared it with several other women during the mid 90’s. She had a very odd relationship with the people with whom she lived, and I guess that it eventually backfired on her in the end. I also rode past the bar that used to be called “Two Thieves.” It was started by two of “N’s” friends who she had met during her days of working at Fulton Street and the Crowbar. It’s now called “Shotwell’s” and they no longer allow smoking in the bar. I wonder what happened to “N’s” friends.

By the time that I had reached my friend’s studio I was deeply engrossed in renewing my city savvy. I’ve been living outside the city for ten years now, so today was fun for me to ride around many of the city’s neighborhoods. I’m happy to live in Marin, but I do miss the urban scene, and I hope to be more proactive in staying connected to the city in the future. It's so close, so I should take advantage of it's merits.

I rode back home via 3rd Street where I stopped to take in the Cirque du Soleil tents. It brought back many fond memories, recent and old, and also the memory of knowing that my nephew asked his wife to marry him on the way to the Cirque two years ago. I love those two.

As I rode back along the embarcadero, I was once again reminded that I’ve missed so many changes that have taken place in San Francisco. I noticed a huge sculpture that I’d never seen before. It’s an elaborate installation right by the Bay Bridge. Is that Cupid's bow? That's the Bay Bridge nestled to the right of the photograph. If it weren't for traffic, I would have taken a better shot that included the whole bridge.

I was happy to ride back to Marin where I've been warmed up by Tugboat, and have reflected on my ride through San Francisco. I’m reminded that urban living is both fun and difficult. Today I looked at cars that had "boots" on them, tow-away zones that have specific hours, street cleaning, etc., etc. On the flipside, it was fun to feel the energy and diversity that the city provides. I'm close enough to enjoy the city, without the hassle of living there.

As I passed by the Pier 23 Bar and Restaurant I saw their paper mache applied bicycle. It was fun to look at, albeit briefly, since it was cold out and I wanted to get home where it was warm. I like that there’s an urban resurgence surrounding cycling. Today I noticed dozens of urban bicycles that are from many different genres. It’s all good in my opinion. It’s one less car, right?

Distance: 33.59 miles
Calories burned: 2,127
Time: 2:23:39 hours
Elevation gain: 1,342 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/21892912

Day 201: Marco Pantani

I’ve seen this truck over the past months and I've never had the chance to take a photograph of it. I’d really, really like to know who owns this truck. For those of you that aren’t cycling fans, Marco Pantani is a legendary road bike racer from Italy. He’s won the Tour de France, and has had many legendary moments on climbs with the likes of Lance Armstrong. Pantani tragically died from a Cocaine overdose after many bouts with drugs. He was only 34 years old.

I’ve had a long work day that still hasn’t ended and we’re nearing midnight here on the Pacific Coast. At least I have some work to tend to. As we all know many Americans don’t. I did my basic ride today since my schedule was tight. I rode up to the West Point Inn, and then back to help my friends at WTB.

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully another ride. Goodnight.

Distance: 17.26 miles
Calories burned: 1,293
Time: 1:38:50 hours
Elevation gain: 1,969 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/21837901

Day 200: Two Hundred Rides are Done

Today was a bit of a milestone for me. It was my two hundredth consecutive bicycle ride. Prior to today I’d thought that I’d do a really special ride, and perhaps even another century as I did on Day 100. Unfortunately for me, I woke up feeling really fatigued today, and for the very first time that I can recollect, I actually didn’t feel like riding. I would have been a happy camper if I could have simply stayed home. I have no idea why that on Day 200 I’d feel so tired. Why not on Day 197, or Day 180?

I of course rode today. I’m not going to let a little fatigue get in the way of Riding to Recovery. I did change my plans in order to suit how I was feeling. At the very beginning of R2R I promised myself that I’d “listen to my body” on each day that I would head out to ride. So even though today was a milestone for me, I listened to my body and didn’t push myself in order to do a special ride. Instead I did one of my old favorites, and at a reasonably good clip.

I felt that I needed to reflect on my journey today. It’s so hard for me to even remember what ride I did three days ago at this point, since they’ve now all melted into one long journey. It’s not a bad thing, and I’m happy that I have this forum that will serve as my memory for many, many years from now.

A part of my personal reflection on this long journey included looking at the statistics such as how many miles that I’ve ridden. So I thought that I’d share a few fun (for me) statistics. These are a few of the numbers that I've racked up thus far:

Miles ridden: 5129 miles
Hours ridden: 401 hrs. (Ten work weeks)
Elevation gain : 517,800 ft. (These are vertical feet that I have climbed)

The past couple of months have been hard on me during most of my rides. I’ve had to ride through illness, broken ribs, major storms, and frigid cold, etc. I feel like my statistics are a bit off from where I had hoped they'd be at this point, but I’m not going to get too caught up in all of that since I’m still on track to reach my primary goal, and that’s to ride every day for a year, rain or shine.

In spite of my feeling tired today, and given that I didn’t do a long or special ride, I was happy that I made it out the door and onto my bicycle today. Riding has become my church, and the place where I can safely think about where I’ve been, where I am today and in this exact moment, and where I’m going. I know that I’ve come a long way on my journey, but I also know that I have a long, long way to go.

Distance: 18.42 miles
Calories burned: 1,604
Time: 1:43:20 hours
Elevation gain: 2,340 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/21766296

Day 199: Trying to be Clever

Today I thought that I’d be clever as I worked around my schedule. I planned around my work related tasks including a conference call that was scheduled at 3:30 pm. Since I still needed to get my ride in while there was daylight, I decided to take the call on my cell phone while sipping tea on the porch of the West Point Inn. It was a nice idea that didn’t pan out.

I left at just the right time so that I could ride up to the West Point Inn in time for my call. I was quite happy to have made it up to the Inn right on time. I got comfortable as I prepared for the call. Well, all was good until I tried dialing my client. My Blackberry Storm's touchpad decided to give up the ghost! It’s not even been a week since my other Storm had the same issue. I have two, one for my business, and one for personal use. My personal phone failed last week, and my business phone failed today. Is this a coincidence that they'd both fail within one week of each other? Hmmm.

Fortunately for me I’m being sent a replacement phone tomorrow.

So I had to race down RR Grade in order to get back to a phone. Fortunately my client was OK, and not upset by my delay.

I hate days like today when things don’t go as planned, but I’ve learned to accept them for what they are. I can’t control them, didn’t cause them, and can’t cure it. The Three C’s.
 

The particulate smog that was visible from Railroad Grade today was saddening. It was awful to see, and a grim reminder of what we’re doing to this planet.

Distance: 12.20 miles
Calories burned: 894
Time: 1:15:04 hours
Elevation gain: 1,447 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/21705658

Day 198: Riding up Mount Diablo's South Side

There was a lot of male bravado coming out of the East Bay during the past week. The guys from Pegasus were Emailing back and forth about a ride, and it started sounding interesting to me, so I jumped in and said that I’d join the ride.

As the weekend approached, and the commitment to ride became imminent, the Emails slowed to a snail's pace, and then finally ceased. So much for all of the male bravado! I’m going to give these guys a little grief over their vacillation. ;-) Maybe one day they’ll all show up for the rides that they organize. Ouch!

My friend Melvis and I smelled the disintegration of the originally planned ride, so we decided to make our own plans to ride in the East Bay, but on road bikes instead of mountain bikes. When I ride over there he usually decides the route that we'll take, so today I had no idea that he was planning an assault on Mount Diablo. We had done a similar ride on December 2nd. In looking back at my notes, I’ve only ridden my road bike twice since then, and only once during the past month! No wonder my mileage is down for the past two months.

I was a bit worried about heading up such a relentless grade given how little I've been riding my road bike. One might think that you use the same muscles for any bike that you ride, but that’s really not true. There’s a slightly different riding position on a road bike, and that means that you end up using slightly different portions of your muscles. Well today was proof of that concept. It was a 20 mile ride for us to reach the South Side gate to Mount Diablo State Park, and from there it’s nearly entirely uphill, and there's very little relief from that ascent.

We stopped at the bottom for a photo session at the gate, and a Clifbar Shot for Melvis that he said tasted horrible. I’ll remember that. From there we just started pedaling. It was odd for me since my legs, that I've been pounding away on with my mountain bikes for the past two months, felt awkwardly weak as we ascended. I had weird little gremlins in my muscles and knees; my hands even hurt on the descent from braking (More on the descent later).

I had pulled away from Melvis on the climb that includes long and sweeping switchbacks, where one can look way back down and see the people that are riding off the back. So I looked back to see where he was on the climb. I could have taunted him, as we’re accustomed to doing to each other (He's my de-facto brother, so we play around a lot, as brothers do), but I respectfully refrained today since I'm riding so much more than he. Instead I looked down at Melvis, just in time to see him, and then to hear him yell at obscenities at me! He had decided to call me unmentionable things from below. I won’t repeat what he called me in this clean and sophisticated forum. ;-) Melvis, I’ll bring my tow rope next time…

I limped up to the Junction today with my lack-luster road bike legs. It was interesting that my lungs were fine on the ride, but I just didn’t have my legs. I guess that I’m lucky to have had my lungs, because it would have been a rather major suffering for me otherwise.

We met back up at the Junction where we rested and took in some of the local characters that are on their bikes. There was one guy that looked like he had just crawled out of a cave and right onto a bicycle. He was even exposing areas of his nether regions that would make even a strong person feel nauseous. He of course decided to sit next to Melvis on the bench. ;-) What Neanderthal wouldn’t want to cuddle up to him?

The ride down the north side of Mount Diablo was really long and cold. It was a really fast descent, but the cold kept us throttled-back in order to stay warm. My teeth started chattering at one point, but fortunately for me it wasn't for too long. Once at the bottom we "meandered" back to Concord via the local bikes paths. Does anyone know where the word “meander” comes from? I use the word a lot in this forum because it compliments cycling's inherent travels. So, I've learned it's origin! It's origin is the Meander River in Turkey. My friend “C” clued me into this on yesterday’s ride. I never would have known that, but it makes total sense to me after seeing a photo of the river. It’s so nice to be 45 years old and still learning a thing or two, and especially from friends.

Melvis, thank you for the fun ride today, and also the post-ride hospitality. Thanks to “J” too, and hugs for the “V,” who is getting smarter and smarter due to your daily vigilance!

Distance: 39.93 miles
Calories burned: 2,645
Time: 2:37:08 hours
Elevation gain: 2,327 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/21643840