Day 188: The Christmas Spirit

It was three years ago today, and almost literally to the hour, that my father passed away. He was 84 years old and had lived an extraordinary life by any person’s measurement. He passed away shortly after finding out that he had cancer, and to this day I feel that he was lucky to have gone so quickly.

My father and I had grown very close during the years after my mom had passed away. We became good friends. I know that might sound a bit strange, but there’s a big difference between being a father, and being a friend. In the end he was obviously still my dad, but he was much more of a friend, and frankly, he was a much better friend than a father. I know, that doesn’t sound very nice, but here’s why. My father’s father died when he was only 12 years old. My dad literally started working at 12 years of age in order to help his family survive. He had no father figure as a role model and I’m convinced that is why he wasn’t able to be a good father to me in the traditional sense of the word. He was a provider, and a good one at that, but he wasn’t the type of father that played ball with me, or took me to a baseball game. That never happened.

The above stated, I feel that my father was a great man, and one for whom to this day I hold great admiration. He provided for his mother, his brothers and sisters, and then he spent most of the rest of his life providing for my mother, my brothers, and me.

It was my pleasure to take care of him during the final years of his life. Every time that he needed something, and each and every time that I helped him, I remembered that he had been there for us during our entire lives. It was through my dedication to returning a small portion of the gift that he gave me during my life, that he and I became close friends. I never, EVER, would have guessed that he and I would become so close. I feel so fortunate to have had a relationship with him, albeit very late in my life. “Better late than never,” as they say.

it was 10:12 pm on Christmas Eve of 2006 that I got the call from Marin Convalecent Hospital telling me that my dad had “expired.” What a word to use in telling a son that his father had passed away. To this day I can hear that word coming through the telephone clearer than day. Dead, died, Passed away, would have been my word choices, but no, “Your father expire.” That’s not a typo by the way. Expire is not a word that I’ve ever attached to death, but if you look at the definition it’s actually very accurate, and the Asian woman that delivered the news was probably trained to use the word.

Dictionary.com’s definition:

1. to come to an end; terminate, as a contract, guarantee, or offer.
2. to emit the last breath; die.
3. to breathe out.
4. to die out, as a fire.

So how does this apply to today? I don’t know. I spent the evening with my remaining family, and that was so wonderful for me. On the drive there and back, about three hours total, I was thinking about my dad and mom. There’s so much that they would have loved about the day today. The stories that were shared, the laughter, the food, and the love that flowed within our family was quite extraordinary. My remaining family is quite splintered in a way, but it’s strong and loving nonetheless. It’s amazing to me that “blood” is not what keeps us together anymore, it’s simply the love and respect that we have for one another. The best part is that the family is growing.

As I write this I’m thinking about how I miss my former in-laws. I hate the word in-laws, but that’s the proper distinction. They were, and are good friends, although there's been a huge fracture in our relationship, and one that wasn’t caused by either party. It's the nature of the beast, as they say.

My writing is spilling over into Christmas as it’s now 1:11 am. Merry Christmas to all of you. OH YEAH, TO THE ELF THAT SET UP AN OAK TREE IN MY LIVING ROOM, TUGBOAT HAS A FEW THINGS TO SAY… THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME TO EMBRACE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.

Distance: 17.70 miles
Calories burned: 1,534
Time: 1:35:09 hours
Elevation gain: 2,164 ft
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/20956259