I returned to Partners in Recovery today after missing the last meeting. I was sick during the last meeting, and most likely contagious, so it wouldn’t have been fair to myself, or the other meeting attendees, to show up sniffling, sneezing, and coughing active germs out into the air. At the same time I felt as though I was missing out on one of my commitments.
Today I was warmly greeted by the friends that I’ve made through the meeting. A number of people came up to me in order to check in on me, and some had even heard about my broken ribs, so they asked about that too. I was very touched by the warm and caring welcome, and it’s a part of why I will most likely never stop attending this meeting. They’re good people that truly care about others.
During today’s meeting I was reflecting a lot on the fact that I’m coming up on a year in working on my own recovery. My start date (birthday) towards recovery was on December 1st of last year when I dropped “N” off for the first of her two-month stay at Serenity Knolls. I was reminded today of what I felt like back then, and it’s one of the reasons why I keep going back to where my own rebirth began. December 1st will always be a special day for me, so I’ll elaborate more when that day comes around in a week, and I'll hopefully take a special ride to commemorate the day.
A couple of topics that were raised at today's meeting reminded me of a leaflet that I found in one of the pamphlets that was given to me during my early days in recovery. It’s appropriately titled “Detachment,” and it outlines some incredibly useful prose for understanding the term as it applies to alcoholism. In the early days of my own stumbling around in recovery, and when I still believed that I had a marriage to save, I memorized this leaflet and I’ll most likely keep it as a memento for the rest of my days. So here it is for those that might need a little help thinking around what I found to be so difficult a term to understand back then, and one that I'm so clear on now. Time reveals things that you’d never expect, but you need to give it time, “one day at a time.”
Today’s ride out to Serenity Knolls reminded me about just how close I need to stay to them, and the Al-anon program. It’s not a weakness in me that requires this closeness, but instead it’s all about the strength that it gives me. I also now know that I have something very valuable to offer to others that are in their darkest hours, just like I was one short year ago. I have already helped others during my journey back to health, and I want to continue to help those that have been affected by alcoholics.
One other thing to point out about my recovery, it seems like every day that passes right now I rediscover something that I used to do. It’s a bit frightening. I met with an old girlfriend from the early 80’s the other night. She knew me when I was committed and dedicated to myself in ways that were almost extreme, so she couldn’t believe that I could have been knocked so far off track by someone else’s drinking. I explained that I was, and am, one of the most loyal people on the planet, and that when I dedicated myself to my marriage it became hallowed ground, and that I’d do absolutely anything for it. Now of course I know better, yet I don’t want to ever lose my ability to dedicate myself to someone, or something. I just need to remember, or better said, I need never forget who I am and what makes me happy.
Thank you to everyone that asked me why I wasn’t at the last meeting, and those of you that asked about my broken ribs. There were several people that asked for my contact information. I hope to hear from you.
I woke up to an unexpected rain shower this morning. The forecast was for clear skies, but no, it was raining, albeit lightly. I rearranged my thinking, and of course what I was going to wear and take with me to San Geronimo. In the end it wasn't so bad be out riding in the rain, but I did get wet. It was still a great ride and worth it. The funny thing that I realized on my last climb back to Mill Valley, is that the ride is now easy for me to complete. The first time that I rode out there I felt like I was doing a long ride. My, how things have changed for me.
Distance: 31.43 miles
Calories burned: 2,046
Time: 2:05:51 hours
Elevation gain: 2,013
Garmin Connect ride details: http://connect.garmin.com/activity/19444982
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