My Wife "N"

"N" was the love of my life. That is of course why I married her.

We met while she was at work at the Royal Ground coffee shop in Russian Hill, a neighborhood in San Francisco. She immediately fell for my dog Mick. We had been friends since around 1995, and became involved in 1996, and we then married four years later in 2000 at the Mountain Home Inn which sits a third of the way up Mount Tamalpias.

Sometime in 2001, or 2002, "N" began to fall victim to alcoholism. The signs that we all hear about began to show up. By 2007 she had fully succumbed to the disease, and in December 2008 she entered a treatment program here in Marin where she spent the next 60 days. Up until that time I played the classic role in the relationship with an alcoholic. It's so clear now; however when you're in the middle of an active alcoholic's disease you just can't see the forest for the trees.

"N" left the rehab facility in February of 2009. It was obvious that she had undergone many changes, not the least of which was that she is sober for the first time in years. That's the good news. The bad news was that she had come to think that she may have participated in our marriage for the wrong reasons. Since then she has come and gone from our home twice, and we are now currently separated. She says that she needs to think through things and that the marriage isn't over, but wow(!), it sure feels like it's over.

"N" is the main reason that I've embarked on this adventure of Riding to Recovery. I had many other tragedies in my life that contributed, so it's not all due to "N". The fact is, this is my journey to recovery.

No matter what the outcome of our marriage, I wish "N" the very, very best in life. She's one of the smartest and most talented people that I know. She can do anything if she puts her mind to it. I wish that I had a tenth of her raw smarts. I'm not kidding!

Update 8-11-2009!:

"N" has informed me via Email, that she has filed for divorce. I never would have begun to imagine that the news of the end of our relationship of 14 years would be conveyed via an Email. Wow!

Step one: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ("N," in Al-anon terms)—that our lives had become unmanageable.